Three Years

Absent …. from the body, my sweet Gigi is present with her Lord and Savior. Three years ago today, at 5:30 in the morning, surrounded by family, and hand in hand with the man she had faithfully loved for 64 years, my dear Gigi stepped into eternity. Her faith became sight, she sorrowed no more.

  

 

I will say again what I said when I marked 2 years and will probably think for years to come.  In some ways these 3 years have gone so quickly and at other times the moments have seemed to drag.  I cannot imagine what these last years have been like for my Gigi. In Heaven with all its splendor, glory, and beauty and being face to face with her Savior; I can hardly wrap my mind around it.   Three years in Heaven is not even a dot on the page in the book of eternity.  To see the physical realities of the faith you treasured, what an amazing hope we have in Christ. 

 

 

I miss having Gigi in the kitchen with me.  Over the years she taught me to cook.  She was the consummate hostess and passed on to me her desire to show love through food. I miss having her living example, but will always have the legacy, of how she selflessly loved her husband.  I miss how Gigi cried every time she spoke of her daddy.  He died when she was 14. I miss the sounds and smells of them living in our home.  I miss sharing Christmas with them.  The hard part is living with the familiarity of what once was.  We are still here, in this home we shared with them, and while many things are much the same they are so very, very different.  I miss seeing both Gigi and Papa with our children; they each took so much joy and delight in the lives of those around them.    I loved watching Chad and the kids help them both to the table for dinner.  I miss having every one of our dining chairs full. 

 

 

Once again, we will have Top Ramen and Garlic English Muffins tonight for dinner.  A funny memorial dinner isn’t it? Definitely not because that was all she could cook … no way!  She was an amazing cook!  We really could be having Stuffed Mushrooms, homemade pasta, Italian Chicken or steak and spaghetti with oil and vinegar salad, Manicotti or one of my favorite birthday dinners she used to make me as an adult …. Calzones!  She was a masterful cook.  No, we are having Top Ramen and Garlic English Muffins because that is what the children remember most that she made for Papa and for them.  The years they lived with us she didn’t cook much at all but Papa loved Top Ramen and Garlic English Muffins, and she loved Papa, so she made him those as often as she could in the early years of living with us.  Mitchell and Isabelle especially have memories of slipping next door to the trailer and joining Papa and Gigi for a lunch of Top Ramen and Garlic English Muffins.  Silly dinner I know, but it fits the memories and gives us a little part of Gigi for the day.

 

 

 Last year I was still having a hard time looking at their photos.  Recently, for the first time since her memorial service, I was able to watch the slideshow we played at her service.  I thought I would share it again.  I love the photos and memories associated with them and I love, love, love the music it plays to.  Tennessee Ernie Ford singing the old Hymns was a favorite of Papa and Gigi’s.  We played those CD’s for them for days on end, literally for months.  William and JD still love the CD’s and they are part of what they listen to every night as they are drifting off to sleep.  Every song brings a flood of memories for me.  As Tennessee sings those beautiful words, I can see them and what our lives were together.  Bittersweet memories I will treasure forever. 

 

 

 

Good Morning Papa

It has been 2 years since you entered Heaven. You were first in my thoughts this morning when I woke.  I cannot truly fathom what it must be like for you, how complete your joy must be.  I love you more than words can say.  I still stand in “Papa & Gigi’s” part of the house and see you both there. Sometimes I go where your bed was and just stare, recalling what it was like to bend down and kiss your forehead and remember the smell of your skin.  I miss hearing your voice say, “I love you precious girl” yet I cannot bring myself to play the video I took of you speaking those words to me.  Tonight, in honor of you, we will have steak & eggs.  We will take time around the table to share what we loved about you.  Thank you for being who you were and giving us truly the most precious and excellent example of what a godly husband and father should be.  Thank you for investing in my life, Chad’s life and each one of our children.  I will miss you every day of my life until I see you again.

                                                     Love,

 

 

 

 



Papa

It’s hard to believe that it has been one year since my Papa stepped into eternity. Tonight, in memory of him, we will have steak ~ n ~ eggs with sourdough toast.  This was another one of his favorite meals, and the last birthday dinner he chose.  Words cannot adequately express how much my heart aches with missing him.  This morning, when I first woke at 4:38, my heart was heavy knowing what day it is.  Before I drifted off to sleep again, I thanked the Lord that He nudged me to wake up a little after 5 AM one year ago today with a strong desire to go check on Papa as he slept. How thankful I am to have had those last couple minutes with my hand in his as he took his last breath at 5:15 AM.

Over this last year, I have wrestled with myself often as I relive our last days with Papa. I wonder if there were signs I missed in recognizing his final decline.  As a family, we were by his side by his side almost every waking hour of the last years of his life, especially in those last 7 months he spent bedbound.  We lived our lives in his little part of our home, with him… how could I have missed knowing the end was so close?  We were blessed in our last days with Gigi.  She followed a pattern of decline and so it was very obvious to see that her time was close and we were able to be gathered around her bedside when she took her last breath.  In my heart I guess I assumed it would be the same with Papa. I often rethink the day before and nothing seemed out of the ordinary.  We had soccer in the morning so some were gone and some were home, and Ramona came in to help with Papa.  He was his normal self, kind and sweet, with “I love you’s” freely given.  We spent the afternoon and evening in with Papa, watching a Boise State football game, sitting with him, visiting between his sleeping, and holding his hand. I cut the boys hair in there and per usual we ate our dinner in with him.  We had Penne con vodka and fresh bread, a meal he deeply enjoyed.  He had a bite of pasta, a bite of bread and even a little sip of red wine.  We did our family devotions with him and then tucked him into bed.  The only “difference” you could say is that by the time we were done getting him ready for sleep, he was already asleep.  This wasn’t terribly unusual as he slept so much at that point but it was different in the sense that he was always awake to say his goodnight’s, I love you’s and give us all kisses.  How I have agonized over those last hours. Our time with him was sweet and just as it had been every day for a very long time.  Did I miss something?  Should I have been alarmed that he wasn’t awake to say his usual goodnights?  Was there something more in the day that I didn’t see? He was declining of course, eating less and sleeping more but this day seemed to hold nothing different than the days, weeks and even months before.  I have struggled to leave this with my Savior.  I have wrestled with guilt and sadness throughout this last year about how things might have been different had I known or recognized more in those last hours.  I have been reminded many times by Chad to rest in the situation and realize…..how can we ever know?  He has reminded me that we have no regrets in our years with them.  At the time of Papa’s death we had spent 12 of our 18 years married with Papa and Gigi, and a myriad of precious memories were made with them.
 

Another truth that has been brought to mind lately is that while I would have taken more comfort in being with Papa longer in the hours leading up to his death, it is not I who would bring him comfort, but his Savior.  I never wanted Papa to be "alone" in death. I have come to see though, that even if I had been with him through his last night in this earthly realm, in reality, that part doesn’t even compare to the comfort he received from Christ as he crossed between the earthly and heavenly realm.  I could not “walk the vale” with Papa, so to speak, but he was not alone.  Psalm 23 gives the reassurance that “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me”. I am very aware of these truths in my head, but I struggle with getting my heart to follow. I have been and I still often ask the Lord to take this struggle from me and I need to trust him to do just that. How weak I am in my faith, how much more I have to learn and grow.  How thankful I am that I have a Heavenly Father who loves me in spite of myself.  How grateful I am that He is a sovereign God and that he knew and orchestrated the final moments of Papa’s life to be used for His glory and for the continual deepening of my trust in Him. 

I wanted to share with you a portion of the devotional entry for today, October 2 from Spurgeon’s Morning and Evening Devotions. I read it again today and I remember reading it the morning Papa died and I am thankful for this sweet reminder from the Lord. 

“The hope which is laid up for you in heaven” – Col. 1:5

“Our hope in Christ for the future is the mainspring and the mainstay of our joy here.  It will animate our hearts to think often of heaven, for all that we can desire is promised there.  Here we are weary and toilworn, but yonder is the land of rest where the sweat of labour shall no more bedew the workers brow, and fatigue shall be forever banished.  To those who are weary and spent, the word ‘rest’ is full of Heaven.”

 

 

May 27

... was always the day we celebrated Papa and Gigi’s birthdays.  They were 6 years and 2 days apart.   Papa’s birthday was on May 26 and Gigi’s was on May 28 so we always celebrated on the day between.  We went to the Stillwater Gardens where a portion of their co-mingled ashes are buried and placed flowers at their burial site.  The cemetery was beautiful, just as Gigi would have loved it, lined with hundreds of flags for tomorrow’s Memorial Day celebration.  In years past we had sweet birthday dinners, their cake of choice…. usually, crème de menthe … and times around the table telling Papa and Gigi what we loved about them.   Last year Papa celebrated his last birthday in bed with his usual sweet countenance and a birthday dinner of steak, eggs, sourdough toast, coffee, and crème de menthe cake.  Isabelle made a crème de menthe cake today in memory of them.  I think we will do that every year on May 27.

What do I miss about the two of them? In simple terms, absolutely everything.  I miss Papa’s kindness, his gentle nature, patience, and supreme tenderness.  His all-encompassing grin, eyes that spoke with no need for words; his voice, kissing his forehead, the smell of his skin.  I miss feeding him and eating breakfast together….just he and I.  Hearing “I love you precious girl” from his lips each and every day. I miss having Gigi sitting in the kitchen with me.  Over the years she taught me to cook.  She was the consummate hostess and passed on to me her desire to show love through food.  I loved watching Chad and the kids help them to the table for dinner.  I miss having every dining chair full.  I miss how Gigi cried every time she spoke of her daddy.  He died when she was 14. I love how Papa spoke of his God with deep reverence. I love the memories of countless running races with Papa on the sidewalk as a little girl. I love the treasures tucked away in my heart in the form of memories of Gigi walking on one side and I on the other, hand in hand with Papa.   I love that we still held hands when we walked or just sitting together, even as I was a grown woman.  I love how Papa showed Chad what it means to be a father, in word and deed.   I miss seeing both of them with our children, they each took so much joy in the lives of those around them.

Today we are celebrating the precious memories of two faithful people. The words … “may all who come behind us find us faithful”  rings abundantly true for the two of them.  While we remember them here, Papa and Gigi are celebrating today in a manner we cannot fully comprehend.  They do not celebrate for their earthly birthdays’, but in a way that I am certain must encompass every day in eternity…. celebrating the amazing joy of being with their Savior. 

Much Love and Many Thanks …. Again

I know it has been a while since I last posted.  Things are so very different here; I am not sure how to put it all into words.  Some days are so much better and some days are very, very hard.  We decided to go ahead and make changes to “Papa and Gigi’s” part of our home.  I wrestled with moving too quickly but at the same time I could not handle going in there multiple times a day and have it all look the same…smells, stuff….everything. We packed things up, painted and made it into a family/school room and it is functioning quite well.  Still, so many visions pop into my mind every single time I go in and out of that room.  It is especially hard at night to have it so dark and hear nothing.  No quiet breathing or music playing, just silence. To leave and not kiss Papa goodbye, to back out of the driveway with his windows dark, to come home to an empty house…  so incredibly hard.   We all miss having Carren , our Hospice nurse, and her sweet self here every Wednesday. We miss our dear Ramona terribly. She loved Papa and Gigi and it showed in her tender care of them  over the years.  We did have her here for her birthday dinner last month and we love the fact that she has stopped by unexpectedly a couple times for a visit.  We miss her, she is part of our family and from her lips, we are part of hers.  

Once again we were overwhelmed with the love and care of those near and far as my Papa went home to be with the Lord. These words of gratitude are almost verbatim of what I wrote when Gigi passed away.  We have been abundantly fed in all areas….. physically, emotionally and spiritually. We have been so blessed by the words of love, sympathy and encouragement that came in the form of cards and letters from near and far… almost daily.   It has been a blessing to hear from people deeply impacted by my grandfather’s life.    

We were astounded again at the outpouring of love and service from our precious church family. The meals again came like crazy, children cared for, our family and extended family blessed by meals brought while they were here and an amazing meal served at the church after the memorial….genuine love in word and deed. Many details of the actual memorial service… programs, the fellowship and food afterwards, clean up….all of it diligently taken care of by our dear, sweet church family. Words cannot express how thankful we are to have Spring Creek Bible Church be where God has planted us for these last 11 years. We are especially thankful for our Pastor(s) and Elders and their example of loving and serving others in many practical ways. We thought we had known and experienced love at the hands of the body before, but again these last few weeks have far surpassed anything we could have imagined. What an encouragement it has been to our family as we are reminded how important it is to minister to others in their time of need or sorrow. Our church family is a beautiful gift from the hand of the Lord.

We are tremendously blessed. We know it, are grateful for it, and don’t take it for granted...thank you. We look forward to the opportunities to love others as we have been loved.

Romans 12:9-21

"Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor; not lagging behind in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; rejoicing in hope, persevering in tribulation, devoted to prayer, contributing to the needs of the saints, practicing hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. Be of the same mind toward one another; do not be haughty in mind, but associate with the lowly. Do not be wise in your own estimation. Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men. If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. “But if your enemy is hungry, feed him, and if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."

Precious Memories

I know memorials can be a time to idolize a person, to forget all their faults and make them sound like saints, but that is not the case with my grandfather.  Everything I desire to share with you is not exaggerated or changed to make him sound better or to protect my rose colored thoughts of who he was.  This is who he was, at the core of his being.  There is no way to sufficiently describe the depth of who my grandfather was.  I could spend countless hours telling you about him but I could not do justice to his kindnesses, gentleness, patience and humility. 

He never needed to be the center of attention, never wanted to be first, did not have to have his way.  He was  always content to simply be with you, to talk with you, to sit and listen.  He was not one to often offer an opinion, but instead gave words of wisdom at just the appropriate time.  He had no expectations.  He gave everything and expected nothing in return. Who does that and how does someone live like that??  I believe if papa were here today he would tell you in death what he told us in life, it is because of his personal relationship with Jesus Christ. 

There are two passages of scripture that most often the Lord brought to my mind as I have considered what I would say at his memorial. Two passages that I feel speak the most truth about Papa and share something that my own words cannot adequately express. 

 The first passage shares the first and second greatest commandment…

Matthew 22:37-39... He said to him, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment.  And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.

The second passage shares the fruit of the life of a believer....

Galatians 5:22-23 ... But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.

Because Papa loved the Lord his God with all of his heart, mind and soul he was able to love others as himself and exhibit great spiritual fruit in his life.  I feel I can say honestly that he did exhibit each fruit the scriptures talk about. He gave intense love; he was perpetually joyful, showed great peace in trusting his Savior with every circumstance in life.  He practiced kindness, shared goodness, was continually faithful, he was overtly gentle and humbly self-controlled. Of course he was not perfect, no one is. What he was though, was a man who had a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and lived the truth and fullness of that relationship each and every day. 

I am so thankful for the opportunity to have traveled and lived with Papa and Gigi throughout my life.  I love the memory of going to Chuck E Cheese, Chubby Chicken and Godfathers Pizza all in one day, just because I asked my Papa.  Being “spanked” with a fly swatter…it doesn’t hurt in the least.  Learning to play poker with popcorn kernels, watching Murder She Wrote, eating cheese, crackers and pepperoni together.  Having running races with him on the sidewalks and holding his hand as we walked down the street, even as a grown woman. Hearing his voice sing the hymns he loved, sitting between Papa and Gigi and being “kitzeled” in church as a little and not so little girl. Sunday afternoon hospitality with other families, going out for pie after Sunday evening service… the memories could be recounted for hours.

There are so many everyday things I miss about Papa. I miss terribly the gentleness in his face, the kindness in his eyes and the softness of his hands.  I miss his wit, humor and fantastic stories. I miss his gracious and plentiful compliments at mealtimes, his multitudes of “thank you’s” in every situation, each and every day.   I miss caring for him, kissing his forehead and cheek, the smell of his skin, receiving kisses, holding his hand, and simply sitting with him.  I will miss most hearing “I love you precious girl, more than you will ever know" from his lips.

I am eternally grateful that God sovereignly chose for me to be the granddaughter of Edmond Richard Panici.  That He allowed me to be so greatly and intimately impacted by the life of Papa and his heart. I am infinitely thankful that he allowed Papa to be in essence an earthly father and grandfather to me. I am indebted to him for his love for my husband Chad and the influence he had on him as a husband, father and friend.   To have been the recipient of such a personal and great love from a human man gives me a tiny glimpse of the great love our Heavenly Father must have for us.  Papa’s love for us is just a snippet of the Greatest Love of all, the love of a Heavenly Father willing to sacrifice His Son for the lives of sinful man.  It gives me great comfort and joy to know that in death Papa is receiving, to the Greatest Degree, the fullness of the love he freely gave in life.    

Edmond Richard Panici

Edmond Richard Panici, beloved husband, loving father, devoted grandfather and great-grandfather, our “Papa” had his faith become sight as he stepped into eternity with his Savior on Sunday, October 2, 2011.  He entered this world on May 26, 1918 as the oldest son of Joseph and Frances Lehmann Panici in Chicago Heights, Ill.

Edmond spent his formative years in Chicago Heights and had many adventures in his childhood and young adult life.  He joined the Navy during WWII and it was at Norfolk Naval Air Station that he met the love of his life, Ilene.  After meeting in January 1946 and having only 2 dates, they were married on April 14, 1946.  Their life together included living in a few different places but the bulk of the years were spend in La Verne, CA, Anchorage, AK, Yerington, NV and finally Bellingham and Lynden, WA.  A highlight for Edmond were the years he spent driving truck and working on the Trans-Alaska Pipeline, hauling pipe from Fairbanks up to Prudhoe Bay and down to Valdez. Some of our best family memories include listening to the many stories of his vast life experiences.  After retirement, they traveled many years in their 5^th wheel and together experienced all 50 states in the Union. They lived a devoted 64 years together until Ilene went home to the Lord in Dec. 2010.  Their marriage was a shining example to many.  Edmond was a gentle, kind and precious man.  He loved unconditionally, generously, and deeply and knew not a stranger.    

Edmond was preceded in death by his beloved wife, Ilene; brother Ray Panici and sister Ethel Shane; he will be greatly missed by brother Ken (Patti) Panici of California; sons Rick (Lura) Panici of Yerington, NV;  Ken Panici of Kalama, WA; and daughter Jo Anne (Mitch) Alden of Kalama, WA.  He will also be greatly missed by his granddaughter Chessa (Chad) Honey of Lynden and their children Mitchell, Isabelle, William, Shelley and JD, who have taken loving care of their Papa (and Gigi) for the last 12 years; and grandsons, Sam Panici of Okinawa, Japan; Nick Panici of Houston, TX and Michael (Mackenzie) Panici and their children Eddie, Eric, Elethyia, Kelly, Brayden, Rebekah and Toby of Victorville, CA. 

A memorial service will be held at Spring Creek Bible Church, 567 E Kellogg Road, Bellingham on Sunday, October 23 at 2pm.  In honor of Edmond, memorials may be given to Wycliffe Bible Translators (www.wycliffe.org) or the Lighthouse Mission.  You may share your thoughts and memories of Edmond here or at www.GoodStewardFunerals.org

Absent

... from the body, my precious Papa is present with his Lord and Savior. I can hardly write what I know to be true. On Sunday, October 2 at 5:15 am my dearest Papa stepped into eternity. His faith has become sight, he sorrows no more.

Ninety-Three

Yesterday we had the blessing of celebrating Papa and his 93rd birthday! The girls did a little decorating and as is our tradition we got balloons to mark the "seat" of the birthday person (in this case it was the bed)! It was a very sweet day and we are so thankful for yet another year to love Papa and to be loved by such a precious man. This Saturday would have marked Gigi’s 87th birthday. They were 6 years and 2 days apart. Over the years, today (the day in between) was the day we would celebrate both of their birthdays. It is very different this year and I know tomorrow will be a little hard, but only for us, as Gigi is celebrating in eternity.

Papa started the day with Sausage and Sharp Cheddar Quiche and fresh strawberries with whipped cream....nummy, nummy! Most of the day was like every other in that he did a lot of sleeping, it is good to get rest on your birthday!  What do we get a man who really wants nothing other than being with family for his birthday??? Well, Isabelle had the idea of finding the contents of one of her favorite memory makers with Papa….don’t gross out on us but here it is….canned sardines and canned anchovies, both in pure olive oil! Our older two, Isabelle in particular, spent many hours on Papa’s knee eating canned sardines and anchovies. In fact, I did the very same thing when I was a child! The problem is that over the years Papa had a very hard time finding them just as he liked them…..in olive oil only. Many are packed in water or tomato sauce but Papa is an olive oil man and those are hard to find. Well…..we have not looked for them in quite a few years and amazingly enough there they were, exactly what we wanted at Safeway! Papa was thrilled and so looks forward to making a few more memories with each of the great-grandchildren.

When I asked him a few days ago what he wanted for his birthday dinner, without hesitation he chose “Steak and Eggs”! Now for a man with a very small appetite this is a tall order! It didn’t matter whether he finished it or not, just that he had it! When I asked him what cut of steak he would like, I knew what he would say….and I was right…..Porterhouse (or in our day now, T-Bone)… one inch thick! We found just what we needed in the meat counter at Haggen and he enjoyed a few bites of his steak, eggs and sourdough toast birthday dinner! Even though he ate very little, he savored every bite and loved it! For dessert he chose Crème de’ Menthe cake, one of Gigi’s best recipes and his favorite for years…it is sooooooo very good! Papa loved his special day and we heartily thank the Lord for another year with this treasured man!

Treasured

...that is how I felt on Mothers Day, our first Mothers Day without Gigi.  It was a sweet day that started with breakfast in bed, included lots of hugs and kisses, nummy food, unexpected gifts and sweet fellowship.  One of the best gifts?  Gathering around Papa’s bed and hearing him pray for our meal. A memory I will cherish for many Mothers Days to come. 

Haircut

Papa asked me for a haircut this past Saturday.  A haircut is no small endeavor. The movement to and from his bed and the need to sit up in a wheelchair for this period of time would involve intense pain, vomiting and will exhaust him.  Why did he want a haircut?  He feels he will be going “home” soon and he wanted to look nice for his Lord.  Needless to say, he bravely endured his haircut and we trimmed his mustache….he looks fabulous.    
“To look nice for his Lord”…..a small glimpse into the heart of this precious man I love so very dearly. 

A Little More Time

Praising the Lord for a little more time.  Papa is a fighter and the Lord has him on earth for a time longer right now, and we are thankful.  You know, it is funny, I hesitated to put anything on the blog about his condition in the first place because things were so up and down.  After a particularly difficult day on Wednesday our Hospice nurse again felt that his time was short.  We had been hearing the same thoughts since last Friday but we had little glimmers of hope here and there as he would speak or eat little bits then have a difficult day then back and forth and back and forth.  Wednesday we spent a chunk of the day watching his breathing.  He spent most of the afternoon and evening with 30 seconds of no breathing, then 30 seconds of breathing, and had very little response or eating that day.   Thursday when Papa awoke, Mitchell was working on school in Papa’s room and Papa greeted him with a “Hello”, which surprised Mitchell…and all of us!  Since Thursday he has slowly been showing snippets of improvement.  His appetite is better and he not only responds to your words but he initiates a short conversation!  He is still in bed, not able to feed himself, and sleeps most of the day.  He of course is very weak and will probably not fully recover to even where he was before, but we are thanking the Lord for where he is.  This time has been so very sweet as it has given us (me in particular) precious time to begin letting go of Papa.  My heart has been so resistant to what I know will be reality someday; my Papa cannot live forever on this earth.  Chad spoke frankly, but lovingly, on Sunday as he shared with me the need to begin letting go and to stop resisting what will eventually come.  Not only that, but of course, the very best thing for Papa is eternity, it is simply my selfishness wanting him here with us.  Chad shared something that really struck me.  He said when we all are in eternity together we will know Papa in a way we have never known him before.  As much as I think he is pretty much the most “perfect” man here on earth, someone who loves unconditionally, who is tender, patient, kind, loving, gentle and so much more;  think of how amazing he will be in eternity with a perfect body in a perfect place!   Papa’s heart is yearning towards eternity, his Savior and his bride of 64 years.  We are thankful for whatever time we do have and amazed once again at the love of our Savior.  Even in the midst of my resistance, God has graciously given us the tender mercy of a little more time with this treasured man.    

Watching, Praying, Waiting

Watching Papa slip away

Praying fervently that he has great comfort and peace

and that his suffering is short. 

Waiting for his Savior to take him home.

Isabelle's note speaks from the heart of each of us.

Revelation 21:4

And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes,

there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying.

There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.

Much Love and Many Thanks

We have been overwhelmed with the love and care of those near and far as my Gigi went home to be with the Lord. We have been abundantly fed in all areas….. physically, emotionally and spiritually. We have been so blessed by the words of love, sympathy and encouragement that came in the form of cards and letters and still come from near and far… almost daily. The flowers and gift baskets were amazing….so beautiful and so many. It has been so neat to have people contact us from my grandparent’s history….family, people from childhood, others who worked with them, went to church with them or simply old and dear friends. All of them deeply impacted by my grandparents lives and they want to express that to us and give their love to Papa. Yesterday Papa was able to talk to a friend from his childhood who is 91 and still living…. living even in the same area where they grew up together! We were also able to connect with the wife of another friend from childhood (the friend passed away years ago) but his wife still keeps in touch. These relationships have stood the test of time, remained in touch over all these decades and now we are privileged to experience just a taste of the depths of these friendships. What I love the most are the Italian last names...Ranieri, Carducci, Panici…oh how I wish I could have spent just a few minutes in one of those home in the 20’s, 30’s and 40's! Those were very difficult times I know, but from the fascinating stories we have heard over the years from Papa, how neat it must have been. I can only imaging the amazing meals that came from those Italian kitchen's!

We are still astounded at the outpouring of love and service from our family and friends and from our precious church family. The meals came like crazy… hot ones…freezer ones…extra ones, dear friends taking our youngest children for the day, others coming to just be with us as we sat with Gigi for her last days on earth, loving on Papa and other family members that were here…genuine love in word and deed. Many details of the memorial service… programs, guestbook, the fellowship and food afterwards, clean up….all of it diligently taken care of by our dear, sweet church family. Words cannot express how thankful we are to have Silver Beach Community Church be where God has planted us for these last 10 years. We are especially thankful for our Pastor(s) and Elders and their example of loving and serving others in many practical ways. We thought we had known and experienced love at the hands of the body before, but these last few weeks far surpassed anything we could have imagined. What an encouragement it has been to our family as we are reminded how important it is to minister to others in their time of need or sorrow. Our church family is a beautiful gift from the hand of the Lord.

We are tremendously blessed.  We know it, are grateful for it, and don’t take it for granted...thank you.  We look forward to the opportunities to love others as we have been loved. 

Romans 12:9-21

"Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor; not lagging behind in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; rejoicing in hope, persevering in tribulation, devoted to prayer, contributing to the needs of the saints, practicing hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. Be of the same mind toward one another; do not be haughty in mind, but associate with the lowly. Do not be wise in your own estimation. Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men. If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. “But if your enemy is hungry, feed him, and if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."

Absent

….from the body, my sweet Gigi is present with her Lord and Savior. At 5:30 this morning, surrounded by family, and hand in hand with the man she has faithfully loved for 64 years, my dear Gigi stepped into eternity. Her faith has become sight, she sorrows no more.

Resting

Jesus, I am resting, resting,

In the joy of what Thou art;

I am finding out the greatness

Of Thy loving heart

The house is quiet yet this morning and I thought I might have a moment to share about the last few weeks. It is about 6:50 Sunday morning and I am sitting in with Papa and Gigi. It is warm and peaceful in here but the wind is howling outside. Tennessee Ernie Ford, with his beautiful voice, is singing “The Old Rugged Cross” in the background. Papa awoke around 4:30 this morning, feeling “funny” and a little confused. Chad and I were able to reposition him in bed and sat holding hands with him for quite a while, listening to the hymns softly playing and just being with him. Papa has had episodes like this before and thankfully he eventually relaxes and like now, is now sleeping peacefully.

So much can happen in just a few weeks. I feel almost as if immediately after my last update on Gigi and sharing the excitement of the reprieve we had experienced with her combative behaviors, she started to struggle once again. This time the progression was swift and what seemed to take months before only took weeks this time. In short order her combativeness was extreme again and it truly took 2 of us to dress and care for her, with her episodes lasting hours at a time again. The aggression was not our only concern as she was so unsteady on her feet, falling often, and becoming a danger to herself in these times. Out of desperation one Sunday evening we called Hospice for help and they were able to help us get her agression under control with different medication. Even though we had been trying to manage her behaviors with constant care and limited medicine, it was not enough. Thankfully her excellent physician and Hospice worked with us and were able to help her regain peace through the medication she needed. As these few weeks have passed she has significantly declined, she seems to have slipped into the beginning of the last stage of Alzheimer’s. Her aggression is all but gone, even though now, she is not on any routine medication, but only as needed for pain and anxiety. She is bed ridden and sleeps most of the day and through the night. We are feeding her now, as she cannot feed herself. She sits in her wheelchair every few days for about 45 minutes but that is about all she can handle, she gets too worn out. She has small windows of clear lucidity but for the greater percentage of time either speaks in random sentences or jumbled words. Her appetite is greatly diminished, but we try to get as many small portions in her throughout the day as she will eat. She is frail and tiny, probably only 95 lbs or so. We know our time is short, weeks or months, only the Lord knows. With the help of Hospice, our goal and desire is that she is comfortable; not in pain, but peaceful. Most days the lights are off with just natural light coming in, Tennessee Ernie Ford sings hymns quietly from a CD or Gaither Gospel hour “entertains” on the television. The girls often go in and read Bible stories to her or just sit and hold her hand. My mom was here for a week and spent a lot of time helping and just sitting with them, and now my Uncle Ken is here and doing that same. It is good to just be in the room with them. Papa also sleeps most of the day, literally. Right along with Gigi, we have seen a significant decline in him over the last few weeks. As our Hospice nurse gently says…”he is winding down”. He gave us quite a scare a couple weeks ago, but thankfully the antibiotics worked and the Lord healed his pneumonia. His appetite is also scarce. We try our hardest to get a good breakfast in him as that is his best meal of the day. As many days as he will let us, we cook up 2 eggs, 2 pieces of bacon and an English muffin. Some days he will finish it, but many others much is still left on the plate. We wake him throughout the day to try to coax food in him, but he mostly refuses our offerings, and dinner time only brings about a few meager bites. Some mealtimes we need to feed him as he simply falls asleep while eating and is quickly resting again as soon as the plate is removed from him. In reality, outside of the time it takes to get him up in the morning and ready for bed at night, his awake time is in small snippets, equaling probably a couple hours a day at best. The sweetest blessing is that he is still himself. Even those outside of our home…friends, caregivers, nurses, social workers… who come in and interact with him for many different reasons say often…. “how sweet a man he is”, “what a blessing it is to have met him”, how they too “have fallen in love with this man and his kind and gentle spirit”. He is still the most patient, loving, gracious and tender man I know. Almost as many times as he is awake he will say “I love you”, constantly says “thank you” with heartfelt gratitude, and still tells each one of us how precious we are to him.

Without a doubt, it is difficult for me to write what I know to be true in my heart. As we have been told, we do recognize that we are caring for two dying loved ones. The Lord is graciously giving us this time to prepare our hearts for the truth of what will inevitably come to pass. We are very aware that our moments with them are treasures and with gratitude, we praise our Heavenly Father for His sovereign hand on their lives and on ours.

For God alone my soul waits in silence;

From him comes my salvation,

He only is my rock and my salvation,

My fortress; I shall not be greatly shaken

Psalm 62:1-2

"Happy is he when others are despairing! Happiest shall he be in that very hour when others are discovering the depths of agony. We have here a statement which we have personally tried and proved: resting in the Lord, we know a happiness which is beyond description, beyond comparison, beyond conception. O how blessed a thing it is to know that God is our present help, and our eternal hope." Charles Haddon Spurgeon

Reprieve

Psalm 59:16

But I will sing of your strength; I will sing aloud of your steadfast

love in the morning. For you have been to me a fortress

and a refuge in the day of my distress.

I cannot believe how quickly the time has passed and that I am so far behind in updating! We have had a good few weeks with so many enjoyable moments in both our care for Papa and Gigi and in our own little family. I praise the Lord that I am able to say that my sweet Gigi is doing better and she remains at home with us. For reason’s unknown to us or her physician, she has had a few weeks of reprieve in her episodes of aggression. Her doctor is unable to say for sure if she is progressing out of this stage or if she is simply having a good few weeks. We have had some small snippets of difficult days again over the last week with yesterday being the worst in quite a while, but nothing compared to what we had endured the last few months. One of the richest blessings of this reprieve is her renewed tenderness towards those of us caring for her. I personally have been the recipient of many kisses, hugs and reciprocal “I love you’s” over the last few weeks. I cannot tell you how deeply these moments have blessed the granddaughter in me. Even with the practical knowledge of Alzheimer’s disease, being purposeful to protect my heart, and the understanding that what she says or does is not directed to me as a granddaughter; the words and actions have still managed to leave sadness and small wounds in my soul. These last few weeks have helped to renew our spirits and bolster our strength as we continue to care for both Papa and Gigi. Unfortunately many other facets of the disease continue to cause her decline and sadly we see her struggle more. She is having a very difficult time walking and in my thoughts, from the nature of the disease, she might only have a few more months before she is in a wheelchair full time. Her speech is far more jumbled and in trying to hold a conversation with her, quite a few words are unintelligible. She of course doesn’t know who I or many others are most every day. Last night she asked me… “have I met these people before?” referring to Papa and Mitchell. Since we were standing behind Papa, I thought bringing her to see his face might help, but sadly it did not. When I told her he was her husband of 64 years she gasped slightly and said…”what…really?”. As difficult as that was, it was hardest to see Papa’s face sadden as he realized what was happening. He has suffered greatest, second only to Gigi, with this terrible disease. He will often lament….”that awful Alzheimer’s… she is still here, but she’s already gone”. The pain of watching the love of your life slip away before your eyes has to be agonizing. He is still so faithful in loving her through precious words even though he is unable to help in action. He is a sweet example to each of us of Galatians 5:22-23 …. “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.” In the physical realm, Papa himself has seen some decline over the last few months but overall he remains pretty steady. We have noticed of late his strength for transferring from wheelchair to bed or chair is diminishing both in his arms and legs. He has had a couple more prominent “senior moments” in reference to memory and confusion, but nothing outside of the natural scope of aging for a 92 year old man! He gladly attests to the faithfulness of his heavenly Father and we are encouraged and blessed by him on a daily basis.

Psalm 138:3

On the day I called, you answered me;

my strength of soul you increased.

Homeschooling is in full swing and the children are truly doing great! Mitchell’s first year of HS has a very full schedule! He is tackling Algebra 2 and Geometry, Writing, English/Grammar, and two online courses….a 10th grade Earth Science course and American Government. In his spare time he is playing football on the freshman team for our local High School and LOVING it! We never thought our current season of life and commitment to Papa and Gigi would allow him to play but the Lord worked out all the details of practice and game schedules. On many practice days he rides his bike round trip so that helps in my time commitment and driving him back and forth. He was blessed to go for a weekend to Silverwood Theme Park with his good buddy Joel and Mr. & Mrs. E. They had a blast and made some fabulous memories! He and his Daddy also had an amazing father/son time away a couple weekends ago,  in part thanks to a rich blessing from an anymous giver.  Their weekend included lots of fun, food, taking in a Seahawks game and.....YIKES.... Daddy teaching the "man child" how to shave! The weekend came about because Chad and Mitchell were completing the last chapter of a great book they had been going through together as they tackle the important area of moral purity. Randy Alcorn has written an excellent resource on the subject in the book …. The Purity Principle. Chad desired to take Mitchell away for a special time as they closed out the last chapter and hoped to include a Seahawks game in the weekend. By the time we added everything up for a night away we knew the ability to spend money on a game simply might not work. I love how the Lord knows even our deepest, unspoken desires and lavishes us with His good pleasure. We had shared our thoughts with no one and yet just over a week later He amazingly provided 2 tickets to a Seahawks game in the mail from an anonymous giver!!! Chad was able to surprise Mitchell with the game as the time away was coming to a close . A simple yet staggering act of kindness from our Heavenly Father….oh how He loves you and me!

Isabelle is greatly enjoying 5th grade…..with Reading, Math and sewing being her favorite subjects! She loves to spend her free time reading, sewing, and dressing up to play school, The Hiding Place or Little House on the Prairie with her younger siblings. She has also been busy with soccer practices and games! Since there is no way we can have multiple children doing many sports at one time we rotate the years of who gets to play a sport among the younger ones. This is Isabelle’s year and she loves the team…especially because she is playing with two of her good friends and making new ones.

It is so sweet to see William and Shelley in their 2nd grade year! Shelley’s favorite subjects are Reading and sewing and Will really enjoys Math! They are both reading well and many concepts seem to simply “click” in the second grade, it is one of my favorite years for the children in school. They are faithful and diligent in their work and are a precious blessing to me as teacher and Momma.

JD…well…what can I say…he is a 3 ½ year old bundle of energy!!! I love that boy immensely but to say “he keeps us hopping” would be the understatement of the century!! Actually we have witnessed some fantastic progress with him! His random screams and fits are fewer and far between, his vocabulary is excellent, and among other positive changes he is now sleeping in his big boy bed!! Also, when it suits his mood he will appease us by tinkling in the toilet! We are no where near finished potty training with him but I continue to have faith and hope in the fact that he will not be 16 and in diapers! He is truly the funniest kid and we LOVE his spunk and personality!

Also Isabelle, William and Shelley were so excited to be in the September wedding of a sweet couple they love dearly! It was an absolutely beautiful wedding and they loved every minute of it!

These few weeks have been sweet. We feel as if we are constantly getting notes, calls or words of encouragement from many friends and family.   We love that your common thread is prayer for us, and we offer our deepest gratitude for your faithfulness to include us in your petitions to our heavenly Father.  We continue to be renewed by the loving hand of our Savior. He knows each of our needs, intimately cares for our deepest woes and continues to provide us with abundant love and strength for each day. It is our great privilege to serve such a gracious and lavish God.

Exodus 15:2

The Lord is my strength and my song,

and he has become my salvation;

this is my God, and I will praise him,

my father’s God, and I will exalt him.



Quotable Kids

JD said something this morning that brought me right back to some sweet childhood memories with Papa.  My Papa loved and spoiled me like crazy, especially in the area of food, sweet treats and eating out…probably greatly contributing to my love of food!  JD was talking to Isabelle, right after breakfast, and trying to convince her to go into Papa and Gigi’s part of our home.  He petitions her….”Isabelle, me go say hi to Papa.” Then with the hopes of snitching some candy corn from Papa’s candy dish he says, ” I have candy… Daddy says NO but Papa says ONE.”

An Open Hand

Well…I thought I would share a few notes and photos about the adventures and news of our week! First the blessings….the extra in home care for Papa and Gigi. The hours we thought were going to start next month actually started this week and got bumped up from 15 to 21 hours a week!! That will flesh out to roughly 3 hours a morning M-Th and 8 hours on Friday….what an amazing blessing from the Lord! We have a wonderful caregiver who is so good with P & G, she will come 3 days a week; and another great gal we are just getting to know who will come 2x’s a week. In the midst of this excitement, we were reminded again that we must approach each day with an open hand and continually give the details of our daily schedule to our heavenly Father. Yesterday was our first 8 hr. Friday we had free and I had made plans for our first real outing of the summer to enjoy the warm day at a waterfront park with dear friends. Sweet R (our caregiver) came at her appointed time and started waking P & G, but unfortunately fell quite ill here at the house and ended up going right home, about an hour after she arrived.  Ahhhh…..to rest in the sovereign will of my Lord. I recognized that He must desire me home this day for whatever reasons He has. We quickly changed gears and invited our friends out here for the afternoon instead…and what fun we had! Barb, Joel and Sarah joined us for an afternoon of sunshine, feet in the kiddie pool, the boys throwing the baseball and Aerobie, snacks and visiting. Sarah brought some delightful flowers to brighten the day, Papa and Gigi had a good afternoon and Papa even joined us outside in the warm sunshine for little bit. Barb stayed with Papa and Gigi while Sarah and I took the kiddos to Edaleen Dairy for some yummy ice cream and double espresso shakes! All in all a beautiful afternoon and much thankfulness for the beauty of dear friends with kindred spirits.

Of course there is plenty of other exciting happenings at the Honey home right now….including but not limited to… 2 toilets not working, a backed up septic, a torn apart bathroom and for quite a few hours last night and into the morning, no water available for use at all….yikes!! This is the first time we have ever been thankful for the quirky septic system in our home as it still allowed one bathroom on the other end of the house to work. BUT…..thankfully, this morning an angel… in the form of a plumber named Curly… came out and helped my HANDY and HANDSOME HUBBY unclog the septic, so we have use of 2 bathrooms and all water again! Our main downstairs bathroom is now in demolition mode as it still needs some plumbing issues taken care of so we will be doing a sooner than expected remodel in that bathroom!

On a more pleasant note, yesterday the boys put together my new outdoor park bench for by the front door, and the girls had fun making a wedding dress from the bubble pack! The middle 3 have also enjoyed playing Red Cross… Nurse Isabelle, Nurse Shelley and Doctor William and Isabelle and Shelley put on a short musical presentation with a few songs from the Sound of Music! I love seeing their imaginations in full swing! It has been a little crazy around here but it has been good and by God’s grace we are not just surviving but thriving in the adventures He is giving us!