A Broken Brain

The last two weeks have gone swiftly and moved at a snails pace both at the same time. Swiftly because we are seeing such drastic changes in Gigi, almost daily, and slowly because our hearts are heavy and our minds and bodies tired. In these few days we have seen a gamut of actions from Gigi. They have ranged from loving words, sweet comfort, hugs and kisses to slapping, punching, tripping, hitting with her cane, refusing any medication, yelling, screaming, crying and yesterday in the midst of an almost 8 hour episode, pouring her root beer over my Papa’s head. If I ever doubted the moments of complete control this horrible Alzheimer’s disease has on my Gigi, this one act has purged my doubt. My Gigi has faithfully loved, served and sacrificed for my Papa for 64 years. She would be simply devastated if she were fully aware of her actions. In the midst of all this, there is something precious to note. There have been a handful of times where either I or the children have been blessed, sometimes even in the middle of an episode, to hear her stop and talk to the Lord. While her prayers are not always coherent she still talks, mostly asking for wisdom, help and guidance. Isn’t that amazing? Our hearts are greatly comforted to know that the Spirit in her inner soul can still prompt her broken brain to call out to her Savior.

The Joy of the Lord is my strength.

Psalm 139:1-18

For the choir director. A Psalm of David. O Lord, You have searched me and known me.You know when I sit down and when I rise up; You understand my thought from afar.You scrutinize my path and my lying down, And are intimately acquainted with all my ways.Even before there is a word on my tongue, Behold, O Lord, You know it all.You have enclosed me behind and before, And laid Your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; It is too high, I cannot attain to it.  Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence?  If I ascend to heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in Sheol, behold, You are there. If I take the wings of the dawn, If I dwell in the remotest part of the sea, Even there Your hand will lead me, And Your right hand will lay hold of me. If I say, “Surely the darkness will overwhelm me, And the light around me will be night,”Even the darkness is not dark to You, And the night is as bright as the day. Darkness and light are alike to You. For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother’s womb.I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well.My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth; Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; And in Your book were all written The days that were ordained for me, When as yet there was not one of them. How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand. When I awake, I am still with You.

Random Memories

I thought it might be fun to post some fun random photos from the last few months!  I love looking back at photos as they bring the flood of memories to my mind.  Isabelle's winter baking, our annual "Winter Blues Overnighter" with the E's, fun indoor and outdoor play, JD's mischevious eyes (they speak volumes to me), dress up (I guess the girls want more sisters) and simple sweet memories.

Tough Guy

Our sweet oldest son had a birthday this past Sunday and I had to keep asking myself….what is happening here??...where has the time gone??…fourteen…..who turns fourteen??…little boys who are growing up…that’s who!! Why is it my fourteen year old is 5’9”, 175 lbs, and size 13 shoe…isn’t that practically a man?!?  Please forgive my plethora of photos with this post…I got started and could not stop! As I looked through the photos I was brought back to my sweet little "tough guy" who used to fit snuggly in my lap. This same “tough guy” now stands taller than me and on some days seems to be growing by the minute! While his outside girth may be changing, there is still my little boy inside and oh how I cherish him… both little and big! As always, he still is my “right hand man”.  Many years ago Chad started teaching the children to ask ….“Is there anyway I can help you Momma?” or “what next Momma?” These are phrases I have been blessed to hear for many years, coming from the soft voices of my little ones. There is something that catches my heart now as I hear them come from a man’s voice, not my husband… but my son.
I love how he still loves to talk….he is my son…so why am I surprised! He often hangs out in the kitchen while I am doing dishes and as we work, we talk. Many times I find myself talking to the Lord, asking Him to please keep fresh in my mind that these special times are just a short window I have with Mitchell. I am terribly task oriented and I am often focused on the next item to complete. I can sometimes lose sight of the beauty of these moments He is giving us, not just with Mitchell, but each of the children. This season of life is not about my "must do" list, dishes or yard work. While all of those household chores have a place, they pale in comparison to knowing…truly knowing my children.
I thank Him for the tender acts of love Mitchell shares…an arm around me, a quick back scratch, playing with the younger ones, doing an extra something sweet to brighten my day and for the overt acts of love and the immense help he is to me each and every day. Not only in around the house chores, but in particular with Papa and Gigi. There are no words to truly express my gratitude for his eagerness to serve them, his tenderness to love them, and for this treasure he has, among many, of getting Papa ready for bed almost every night. For the precious opportunity to tuck away in my heart the “I love you’s” between them each night. These years have moved so fast, there is still so much to teach and impart so many memories yet to make and so much love to lavish on each one of the children. I desire to come more often before the throne with my prayers for strength to fully “be there” each and every day, not just in the physical sense but mentally and emotionally as well. To not miss, day in and day out, the ministry moments the Lord lays before me with my children. I don’t want these years to pass with snippets of regret, but with the beauty of moments seized, conversations remembered and joy abounding.